A proud young mother sees off her son to school on the first day.
“Be a good boy, my boobaleh! Be careful and think of mummy, sweetest! Come right home on the bus, honey! Mummy loves you very much, baby!”
At the end of the day, she’s waiting for the bus and sweeps him into her arms. “And what did my love learn on his first day at school?”
“I learned that my name is David.”
A German comes to London and stays with Maurice and his family.
The first morning they all have breakfast together and have bagels. The German exclaims “Wow we don’t have bagels like this in Germany.” To which Maurice stands up and yells “And whose fault is that?”
Moishe took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating.
A little while later a blind man came and sat down next to him. Feeling neighbourly, Moishe passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this shit?”
Sidney telephones Rabbi Levy.
He says, “Rabbi, I know tonight is Kol Nidre night, but tonight Spurs are in the European Cup quarter finals. Rabbi, I’m a life long Spurs fan. I’ve got to watch the Spurs game on TV.”
Rabbi Levy replies, “Sidney, that’s what video recorders are for.”
Sidney is surprised. “You mean I can tape Kol Nidre?”